Hungry Ghosts on Thanksgiving 2023
In Tibetan Buddhism, there are many realms of existence that we are not aware of in any way. But beyond that, there are millions of sentient beings in this realm that we cannot see or sense. They say that just waving your hand through the air kills thousands of beings. This is part of the realm we live in, called Samsara, which is imperfect and no matter how pure your intentions, you wind up killing, creating negative karma, and nothing is ever perfect or whole. It is an imperfect world.
This is part of why we ME/CFS patients get sick even though we are good people. Because we live in Samsara, where imperfection and suffering is part of life.
In one of the other realms, there are beings called "Hungry Ghosts". These beings are plagued by unquenched desire that is a thousand fold more than anything you have ever felt. Think back to one of the worst days of your life, or a day when you had not eaten in a long time and felt extreme desire filling your entire being. Hungry Ghosts feel this times a thousand, and they are never able to quench their desire or sense of need. If they do happen to come upon something like a glass of water, they cannot get to it. Or if they can get to it, it winds up being full of puss or mucus or poison. They can live in this form in this realm for thousands of years until they are reborn into a different existence.
I am not a Hungry Ghost, and will be the first to acknowledge that my suffering is nothing compared to what they experience, or what other beings in hellish realms experience. Or what some other humans in this realm experience.
But the description of the "Hungry Ghost" fits my life really well in a more vague metaphoric sense. I have recurring dreams where I am hungry and am surrounded by food like at a grocery store, I can put things in my cart and debate which cereal to buy for hours, but there are always obstacles getting in my way of actually eating the food. I never, not once in these dreams, have actually gotten to eat. Something always stops me and the dream ends before I can cook or eat.
And in the rest of my life, in a broad way, especially right now, I really feel like a Hungry Ghost. I am surrounded by accessible, healthy, pure, delicious food I cannot eat, clean water, exotic fruit and vegetable juices of all kinds, but my stomach won’t let me consume any of it. I am fed by tubes and my mouth is always dry. I am surrounded by creative projects that are just sitting there waiting for me because I am too sick to work on them. These are projects that I am extremely passionate about and love, but cannot even touch. There are multiple career paths waiting for me that I cannot pursue. There are loved ones and friends out there I will never meet. There is a world full of fresh air and sunshine and open fields and forests and LIFE that I cannot be a part of. I am surrounded by a world of possibility and in many ways privilege, that ME/CFS keeps me from. On my worst days, l cannot even touch any of the things around me and I must lay here full of desire for engagement with the wold, but unable to interact with anything around me. Stuck in my mind and full of desire for the feeling of life flowing through me.
On Thanksgiving this year, I will be like a Hungry Ghost, hovering above the table, wishing I could eat a plate of the delicious food, drink wine, talk to my family, laugh with my family, feel that connection to other people. But I will be alone, likely sleeping due to my current schedule, fed by tubes.
We all feel like Hungry Ghosts, but especially on holidays because our desire to be a part of the world is so much higher than usual and yet our limitations are the same.
All we an do is accept that we are "Hungry Ghosts" (as a metaphor) and cannot be a part of the world the way we would like to be. We will suffer and be full of unquenched desire on Thanksgiving no matter what we do.
If we push ourselves over our limits, we will just wind up dull with brain fog, and won’t be able to be our true selves and thus remain disconnected from that connection to family/friends/love/life that we so desperately desire. And then we will get worse from pushing ourselves and that world will become even more unaccessible and further away.
If we refrain from pushing ourselves for a fleeting one time experience, and stay within our energy limits, we will lay here thinking about what could be, full of desire for LIFE in all its glory.
There is no way around it, no matter what you do. But the obvious choice is to stay within your limits this Thanksgiving since pushing yourself will accomplish nothing anyways -you will still wind up full of sadness, pain, longing and desire for the life that you simply cannot have.
I will be ignoring Thanksgiving as much as possible this year physically, but internally I will be sobbing for the life that I cannot have. I will not meet my Nephew Bennet for the first time or see my amazing Niece Amalia. I will not let anyone in to my room to say "hi" briefly. I will lay here dreaming of life and just feeling sad.
The truth is that holidays are sad days for ME/CFS patients, and nothing we do will change that. We have no choice but to wind up feeling like "Hungry Ghosts", full of desire that cannot be quenched.
But we do have the choice not to hurt ourselves trying to have what we cannot have.
Join me this Thanksgiving in living the Crash Free Lifestyle and stay within your energy limits, knowing that even if you push yourself beyond them, it will not bring you what you physically cannot have. Thanksgiving will be a sad day for all Americans with ME/CFS. We might as well not hurt ourselves in addition to the emotional devastation.
I know it’s not easy, but you can do it.
Hungry Ghosts together.
Love,
Whitney
ps. Please donate to my 40th Birthday Fundraiser to buy Ronald W, Davis some instruments he badly needs to find answers to ME/CFS. The sooner Ron can figure out ME/CFS, the sooner we can live a Thanksgiving to the fullest, surrounded by friends and loved ones.
This is part of why we ME/CFS patients get sick even though we are good people. Because we live in Samsara, where imperfection and suffering is part of life.
In one of the other realms, there are beings called "Hungry Ghosts". These beings are plagued by unquenched desire that is a thousand fold more than anything you have ever felt. Think back to one of the worst days of your life, or a day when you had not eaten in a long time and felt extreme desire filling your entire being. Hungry Ghosts feel this times a thousand, and they are never able to quench their desire or sense of need. If they do happen to come upon something like a glass of water, they cannot get to it. Or if they can get to it, it winds up being full of puss or mucus or poison. They can live in this form in this realm for thousands of years until they are reborn into a different existence.
I am not a Hungry Ghost, and will be the first to acknowledge that my suffering is nothing compared to what they experience, or what other beings in hellish realms experience. Or what some other humans in this realm experience.
But the description of the "Hungry Ghost" fits my life really well in a more vague metaphoric sense. I have recurring dreams where I am hungry and am surrounded by food like at a grocery store, I can put things in my cart and debate which cereal to buy for hours, but there are always obstacles getting in my way of actually eating the food. I never, not once in these dreams, have actually gotten to eat. Something always stops me and the dream ends before I can cook or eat.
And in the rest of my life, in a broad way, especially right now, I really feel like a Hungry Ghost. I am surrounded by accessible, healthy, pure, delicious food I cannot eat, clean water, exotic fruit and vegetable juices of all kinds, but my stomach won’t let me consume any of it. I am fed by tubes and my mouth is always dry. I am surrounded by creative projects that are just sitting there waiting for me because I am too sick to work on them. These are projects that I am extremely passionate about and love, but cannot even touch. There are multiple career paths waiting for me that I cannot pursue. There are loved ones and friends out there I will never meet. There is a world full of fresh air and sunshine and open fields and forests and LIFE that I cannot be a part of. I am surrounded by a world of possibility and in many ways privilege, that ME/CFS keeps me from. On my worst days, l cannot even touch any of the things around me and I must lay here full of desire for engagement with the wold, but unable to interact with anything around me. Stuck in my mind and full of desire for the feeling of life flowing through me.
On Thanksgiving this year, I will be like a Hungry Ghost, hovering above the table, wishing I could eat a plate of the delicious food, drink wine, talk to my family, laugh with my family, feel that connection to other people. But I will be alone, likely sleeping due to my current schedule, fed by tubes.
We all feel like Hungry Ghosts, but especially on holidays because our desire to be a part of the world is so much higher than usual and yet our limitations are the same.
All we an do is accept that we are "Hungry Ghosts" (as a metaphor) and cannot be a part of the world the way we would like to be. We will suffer and be full of unquenched desire on Thanksgiving no matter what we do.
If we push ourselves over our limits, we will just wind up dull with brain fog, and won’t be able to be our true selves and thus remain disconnected from that connection to family/friends/love/life that we so desperately desire. And then we will get worse from pushing ourselves and that world will become even more unaccessible and further away.
If we refrain from pushing ourselves for a fleeting one time experience, and stay within our energy limits, we will lay here thinking about what could be, full of desire for LIFE in all its glory.
There is no way around it, no matter what you do. But the obvious choice is to stay within your limits this Thanksgiving since pushing yourself will accomplish nothing anyways -you will still wind up full of sadness, pain, longing and desire for the life that you simply cannot have.
I will be ignoring Thanksgiving as much as possible this year physically, but internally I will be sobbing for the life that I cannot have. I will not meet my Nephew Bennet for the first time or see my amazing Niece Amalia. I will not let anyone in to my room to say "hi" briefly. I will lay here dreaming of life and just feeling sad.
The truth is that holidays are sad days for ME/CFS patients, and nothing we do will change that. We have no choice but to wind up feeling like "Hungry Ghosts", full of desire that cannot be quenched.
But we do have the choice not to hurt ourselves trying to have what we cannot have.
Join me this Thanksgiving in living the Crash Free Lifestyle and stay within your energy limits, knowing that even if you push yourself beyond them, it will not bring you what you physically cannot have. Thanksgiving will be a sad day for all Americans with ME/CFS. We might as well not hurt ourselves in addition to the emotional devastation.
I know it’s not easy, but you can do it.
Hungry Ghosts together.
Love,
Whitney
ps. Please donate to my 40th Birthday Fundraiser to buy Ronald W, Davis some instruments he badly needs to find answers to ME/CFS. The sooner Ron can figure out ME/CFS, the sooner we can live a Thanksgiving to the fullest, surrounded by friends and loved ones.