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The Last Person On Earth

When I feel too sick to work on anything loneliness can set in really thick. I’ve got to keep myself excited about creating things or my heart starts to ache for love or companionship.

I don’t mean speaking. I can tolerate not being able to speak, sometimes I even enjoy it. I’ve always been a non-verbal type, likely why I am so drawn to visual art. Not speaking pushes other forms of expression which is actually an interesting experience. Though of course frustrating and difficult. But human touch and human connectedness are hard to go without for such a long period of time.

I also don’t mean the feeling of devotion to or dependence on another person. I mean simple, possibly fleeting, understanding and love. But that is rather hard to find isolated in a bedroom. I don’t think it’s impossible to find but it requires extreme open mindedness from both people involved. Especially if one person isn’t sick or as sick. There are people out there capable of this, I know. But it is a challenge to find them.

Right now I am going through a rough patch, I’m worse than I’ve been in a year. I sleep all day and can’t do much else. It is likely due to an experimental test I took for something that could possibly help me (I can’t talk about it yet sorry). And the test made me sick. I haven’t felt so lonely in a year. I long for that feeling of understanding from another person. I kind of feel like the last person on earth.

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