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Resisting Temptation

My Godmother just visited from Portland, Oregon. The last time she was here was at least 6 months ago and I took this picture with her while she came into my room to see me briefly.

I really wanted to see her again, I’ve known her my whole life and she knows me well. It was really good and heart warming to see her last time, it has been like 10 years. But I just crashed recently and have not recovered from it yet. When I pictured her coming in, I felt weak and felt like I would crash. So I sadly texted that I could not see her.

It’s just not worth what the consequences on my quality of life might be to crash again.

This is something extremely difficult that we all have to constantly face. Weighing the things we want or need to do vs the risk to our health and trying to figure out if they will cause us to crash and what is best for our lives. We have to learn to previsualize things and feel what affect they will have on us and then trust this when making our decision

Please see my previous blog post about previsualizing to predict whether something will make you crash here:

I think a lot of us wind up leaning towards pushing ourselves to do these sorts of things for the sake of "memories" or "soul medicine" or whatever else you want to call it. But I want to urge caution. If you crash because you push yourself to do something like this, your brain will go into a fog and you won’t feel anything from it anyways. And is the loss of quality of life really worth short bits of experiences that are beyond your limits? I would argue that they are not worth it most of the time.

We have to resist temptation to live more fully to protect our energy levels and protect the most basic sense of existence that comes from clarity of mind. Nothing is worth losing that, no experience. With the exception of necessary doctor visits of course but you can take Ativan to protect you from those.

Let’s all err on the side of protecting our health and mental clarity and not falling into temptation. It’s really hard, and each of you has to decide where the line is for you. But consider the worth of pushing yourself to crash for short, fleeting experiences vs having better health.

For me, the worst thing of all is mental dullness and inability to work on things in bed. It’s much worse than not having a singular experience like seeing my Godmother, as much as I would like to see her. If I have mental clarity and energy I can make a life of some sort alone in bed. Without it, I cannot and 5 minutes of joy with someone I love is not worth losing that.

Food for thought :)



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