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Making Your World Smaller

One of my coping mechanisms for surviving such a limited life is to make my world smaller. I can’t go outside so the outside world doesn’t exist to me. I don’t constantly think about not being able to go outside because it’s not part of my world. This doesn’t mean literally thinking it doesn’t exist. I still think about it, but in a more abstract way. It’s out there but at the same time it’s not out there for me to inhabit.

I do this same mental exercise with everything I’m unable to do, see or experience.

This is about accepting your current condition so you are not constantly thinking you are lacking.

I realize that for me, in my everyday conscienceness, all that exists is what I can do here in my bed. Every once in a while I think about what it would be like to be free to go outside and do whatever I wanted to do and it seems like such a foreign concept to me.

This is a good thing. Holding on to your old expectations will only lead to suffering. I remember when I was getting worse and became essentially housebound I felt like I didn’t belong on this planet; like I was an astronaut trying to live on a foreign world where the gravity and other planetary forces made it exhausting to simply exist. This caused much suffering.

To survive and remain sane and maybe even sometimes happy we have to make our world the size that it actually is and set our expectations to what we are capable of doing. It is not easy, it takes time and practice but it is necessary and possible.

And when you live on a planet that is meant for you to inhabit everything becomes easier. Even just breathing. In and out. In and out. Of course we will still suffer but harmony becomes a word that can weave in and out of your life.


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