Another Day With ME/CFS
Me at 9pm last night:
"Oh my God I have to live another day with ME/CFS "
I’m absolutely grateful for being alive and I will never give up but sometimes the idea of continuing to have ME/CFS is so repressive and difficult and unrelentingly dark I feel completely overwhelmed; Living another day with the same brain dead, dull, foggy mind, the same lack of any physical energy, the same routine doing the same exact things at the same exact times, the same sleeplessness, the same trapped body, the same room, the same walls, the same push back from ME/CFS against everything I love and want to do. The constant struggle not only to hold onto meaning, but to always be aware of and trying to avoid missteps that lead to severe consequences to what little health I have left.
Make no mistake I will never give up because my dreams of life are stronger and bolder than anything ME/CFS can do to take it away from me. But my life right now is a living hell with little blips of light that I grasp onto to and try to fill my world with. We all suffer so much every single day. And every single day after that. And there are no breaks. I can’t take a holiday and have a friend visit, or go outside for a breath of fresh air and a glimpse of the sky to remind me what I’m fighting for, or put in work to get a business started that I could then keep going with the energy that I have while being sick. I’m stuck in a rut that I can’t get out of without a scientific breakthrough that society really doesn’t want to let happen. Living with ME/CFS means facing relentless suffering while watching the potential you once felt for your life slowly float down the river of time away from you day by day, and year by year.
We are fighting just to be free inside our own bodies.
But we are warriors and we will not give up on our dreams. You hear that ME/CFS? We are warriors and we will never give up on our dreams! Bring on the fight. You hurt me bad, but you will never kill me or my dreams. It’s the climax of the movie, I’m covered in blood like Bruce Willis, I’ve been shot several times and can’t walk any further, I’m low on ammo, but I’ve still got a big bag of tricks to play and this movie is not over.
Love,
Whitney
"Oh my God I have to live another day with ME/CFS "
I’m absolutely grateful for being alive and I will never give up but sometimes the idea of continuing to have ME/CFS is so repressive and difficult and unrelentingly dark I feel completely overwhelmed; Living another day with the same brain dead, dull, foggy mind, the same lack of any physical energy, the same routine doing the same exact things at the same exact times, the same sleeplessness, the same trapped body, the same room, the same walls, the same push back from ME/CFS against everything I love and want to do. The constant struggle not only to hold onto meaning, but to always be aware of and trying to avoid missteps that lead to severe consequences to what little health I have left.
Make no mistake I will never give up because my dreams of life are stronger and bolder than anything ME/CFS can do to take it away from me. But my life right now is a living hell with little blips of light that I grasp onto to and try to fill my world with. We all suffer so much every single day. And every single day after that. And there are no breaks. I can’t take a holiday and have a friend visit, or go outside for a breath of fresh air and a glimpse of the sky to remind me what I’m fighting for, or put in work to get a business started that I could then keep going with the energy that I have while being sick. I’m stuck in a rut that I can’t get out of without a scientific breakthrough that society really doesn’t want to let happen. Living with ME/CFS means facing relentless suffering while watching the potential you once felt for your life slowly float down the river of time away from you day by day, and year by year.
We are fighting just to be free inside our own bodies.
But we are warriors and we will not give up on our dreams. You hear that ME/CFS? We are warriors and we will never give up on our dreams! Bring on the fight. You hurt me bad, but you will never kill me or my dreams. It’s the climax of the movie, I’m covered in blood like Bruce Willis, I’ve been shot several times and can’t walk any further, I’m low on ammo, but I’ve still got a big bag of tricks to play and this movie is not over.
Love,
Whitney